MY STORY

Real Talk. I didn’t know where or how to begin. I was caught in a vicious cycle of abusing myself through a binge eating disorder. Both the physical and mental effects controlled my life. I didn’t know how to go back out into the world after I’d been hiding for so long and at times I didn’t know if it was even possible. 

Picture this. 315lb. me in a sky blue fleece bathrobe planted at my computer late at night shoving food into my mouth faster than I could chew it. I’d scroll social media seeing people I once called friends living what appeared to be the best life ever and I was missing out. When I finished eating, I’d go back for more. 

Every minute my brain would focus on what I was going to eat next rather than seeing what was going on in my life. If it were not that, I’d be planning for the “New ME”, the better one that would appear after I made my fresh start “tomorrow”, a day that never came. I was always turning down invitations and then beating myself up over the fear of missing out. 

I wanted a life of action and adventure. I wanted to stop hiding and numbing myself through bingeing and shopping. I wanted all the damage I’d done to my body to reverse itself. I wanted to look and feel as good as I knew was possible.

And yet despite it all, I knew that change was possible. I knew there were better things waiting for me. I knew there was both physical and emotional health on my journey. I had to make a choice. Give in to the safety of the known, a paralyzing comfort that smothers, or risk. Risk of being seen, heard, and known. 

These days I choose to be seen. Fulfillment and purpose and looking at the world in a new and better way is possible. I knew I had all the tools I needed within my heart. I was right.